I've never really sat down and actually thought about what I want for my children as a parent. When Paisley was born, we were just so happy that she was healthy and that we got to keep her here on earth with us for however long we get. Then, as she got to be about a year old, the shock of being a parent wore off, and we started making goals for her....good grades, the best colleges, prestigious career, picking a wonderful spouse, etc. All of that was put on hold, however, when we got the autism diagnosis. Now, our biggest goal is to get her to talk and to make sure she's successful in kindergarten. ;)
Claire came along about 3 years after Pais was born, and our biggest goal for her, too, was to talk. It's a tough thing to admit, but with Claire, we're just so happy that she doesn't show any signs of being on the spectrum, we haven't thought much past that. It's the truth.
I started thinking more about goals after we attended an autism seminar a few weeks ago. This particular seminar addressed not only concerns related to autism, but also concerns of the effects on siblings. I really appreciated that. The focus was getting everyone through the school years and still trying to maintain their emotional health in the process. That's challenging for "normal" families!! Perhaps the comment that really impacted me the most was from Tony Attwood commenting on possible benefits of homeschooling. He said "Children only have one childhood....but they have their whole life to learn! I think it's more important for a kid to have a fulfilling and happy childhood, than to be stuck in a school and miserable from teasing. They can learn anytime and anywhere in life, but they can't go back to their childhood." It just hit me in a profound way. He wasn't advocating homeschooling, he was just saying that schooling isn't the most important thing because it'll come...the child's emotional health should be the primary focus.
I'm not sure about anything anymore as a parent. I'm not sure what's right or wrong, if I'm handling things well or poorly, if I'm too hard on Claire (because she does have a LOT of responsibilities pressed on her..even at two), etc. However, the one observation that I keep hearing over and over again is "Paisley is such a happy kid!...Paisley just seems so happy all the time.....She's always smiling and content..." Things like that. It used to not be enough. After that seminar, though, I realized that Paisley being happy really IS a big deal, and if I can help provide an environment to help her continue in that happiness, I will have done my job as a parent. I mean, if you think about it, the happiest kids are kids that have structure, healthy boundaries, and properly disciplined when needed in order to know limits and how the world works.
Yesterday, I got the same compliment about Claire. The lady at Hobby Lobby after asking how old Claire is, said "Wow! She's so happy for a two year old!" Now that, for sure, was a MAJOR compliment!! Claire is the typical 2 yr old, and she has moments that will put us all in the grave, but the older she gets (and the more I become aware of my own attitude and the need to work on ME), the more content and peaceful she is. I sometimes forget that Claire is just as impacted by the autism as I am...or Michael. She has a tough road ahead of her, too. And, yes, if Paisley is a happy kid, that's awesome. But, truthfully, the bigger challenge lies with Claire. She's not naive about life and has an overwhelming awareness of people, places, emotions, etc. She doesn't have the gift of oblivion that comes with autism. So, the fact that someone saw Claire yesterday and stated that SHE was a happy kid?? Wow. That's the best! It's really the only goal I need for the girls presently, and now that it's being achieved, I hope to keep it maintained.
