Jumping Rope Post Puberty

It's official.  I am desperate for change.  So, what does one do when desperate for change?  Apparently, if you're me, you join Weight Watchers online.  I figure if I pay enough money, it'll motivate me to reap some kind of benefit.  I am the ultimate cheapskate.

So, prattling along this WW website, I stumbled across this post where someone was asking how to get in shape without paying for a gym membership or buying any fancy schmancy equipment, doesn't take a ton of time, yet still getting rave results.  This health guru or exercise expert (I don't really remember what she was), said something about a couple of hand weights, a resistance band, and a jump rope.  Suddenly, the light bulb came on for me!!  Why have I never thought of a jump rope???  Off to Academy I went!! (Well, actually two weeks later I went...when I got around to it. :)  Ha!)

This past Friday, I was home with the kiddos, and I decided to get this "mug of a jump rope" out and give it a whirl.  Here's the thing....my experience of jumping rope ends in elementary school where we did those "Jump Rope for Heart" awareness PE classes.  So, I haven't officially jumped rope since I was about 9 years old.  No biggie, though, right??  Should be like riding a bike!  Well, well, well.  That could not be further from the truth.

It honestly NEVER occurred to me that I was like a billion pounds heavier than I was at 9 (and I was a pretty solid 9 yr old).  Not only that, but I also have these big bulging squish ball looking things protruding from my chest called breasts that tend to flop without so much as a bounce when I walk.  GRR!!  So, you can imagine how it went.  The first jump, the rope did get under my feet, but I am telling you...when I jumped up that 2 inches to get the rope under my feet and then came back down, it was like I was a boulder or ship anchor crashing down on the floor.  I happened to be in my kitchen, so I immediately thanked God for the tile not cracking due to impact.  Unbelievable.  Tried it again.  Same occurrence (why did I expect it to be different??).  I should mention this whole time the kids are watching.  My two year old keeps repeating "what you doing mom? what you doing?", and my nonverbal five year old is looking at me in awe.  I'm pretty sure if I read her thoughts correctly, she was thinking "what on earth is this wackadoo thinking??  Mom has completely lost it this time!!".  I admit I tried 3 or 4 more jumps, then quit.

I'm not gonna say I'm never going to jump rope again.  I might try when I am thinner.  Heehee!!  For real, though, I do believe adult jump ropes should come with a warning label that reads, "Warning: Handle with care if you feel like a whale and/or have reached puberty since last attempt."  Anyway, I feel like going back to the WW website and being like "no that's a bad idea" about the whole jump rope part.  However, if I did, I know they'd reply with something like "what you do know about fitness?  You just sit in a chair all day and talk to people for a living!"  So, I'll refrain for now, and keep my rants to myself...on my blog.   :)